Living with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a constant battle that affects every aspect of my life. In this article, I will share my journey and shed light on the challenges I face daily. From intrusive thoughts to compulsive rituals, OCD has been my unwelcome companion for over 20 years. Join me as I explore the impact of OCD on my daily routines.
Living with OCD: The Daily Struggle
Every morning, I wake up to the familiar presence of OCD, my constant companion.
The rituals and compulsions have become a part of my routine, but I’m exhausted and wish for a different reality. OCD holds me back. It brings nothing else.
Although these repetitive actions have become a part of my daily life, I find myself growing increasingly weary. I want a life free from OCD.
It’s a force that threatens my true potential and hinders my progress in various aspects of life.
Simple tasks that others may take for granted become arduous challenges in the presence of OCD. The simplest of decisions can transform into hours of contemplation. And I mean not in a good way.
Many steps I take or actions I perform, require adherence to specific routines. Mornings are bad. And situations where I’m tired because of a lack of sleep, are particularly bad for me.
The rituals, while providing temporary relief, ultimately perpetuate the cycle of OCD, trapping me in a never-ending loop.
Fatigue is a constant companion on this journey. The mental and emotional toll of battling OCD day in and day out drains my energy reserves.
This quest for freedom is an ongoing battle, requiring unwavering resilience and commitment to self-improvement.
The Burden of Compulsions
Counting, touching objects repeatedly, intrusive thoughts, skin-picking, prayers, switching the lights on and off, looking in certain directions, and breathing in special intervals – these are just a few examples of the compulsions that consume my life. The list seems endless, and these rituals do not bring any joy or benefit. They do not make me a better person, or employee, or enhance my creativity. Instead, they become shackles that weigh me down.
Breaking Free from OCD
The burning question is, how can I escape the clutches of OCD? How can I eliminate it from my life? It has been a long and arduous journey spanning two decades, and I have come to realize that OCD does not help me; it only negatively hinders my progress.
With this understanding, I have embarked on a journey of breaking free from the chains that OCD has bound me with.
The first step towards liberation from OCD is acceptance. I have learned to acknowledge and embrace the reality of my condition. Instead of denying or suppressing it, I have confronted OCD head-on, acknowledging its presence in my life. Acceptance allows me to let go of self-blame and shame, fostering a sense of compassion and understanding toward myself.
I get mad at myself when I’m “deep in it” sometimes. I have ups and downs. But it’s an uphill battle, not a downhill ride, I know that.
Knowledge is power, and this also applies to OCD. This is where this blog will push me. I want to not only write about my struggles but also find a resolution to my condition. Stick around and be the judge.
Challenging the intrusive thoughts instead of succumbing to their power is something that helped me. Sometimes, I need to look for the right approach to a specific thought. It’s not always easy when you’re busy rushing to work, trying to make ends meet, or when you simply have a lot on your plate that day. But it’s worth exploring. (Oh, how amazing it would have been if I had some more free time, a buffer, that would let me meditate over this exploration).
Intrusive thoughts are the hallmark of my OCD, invading my mind with relentless intensity. To break free, I have learned to challenge these thoughts. I question their validity and rationalize their irrational nature. It’s a lot of work but worth it.
Engaging in thought-stopping techniques and replacing negative thoughts with positive affirmations that I do when I meditate or do breath-works have been effective ways in trying to regain control over my mind.
Misconceptions and the Real Struggle
It frustrates me when people casually say, “I’m so OCD,” without truly understanding the struggle. OCD is not a trait to be casually claimed or something to romanticize; it is a debilitating mental state. Many of us suffering from OCD feel ashamed and hide our struggles. It is not something easily shared through a simple sentence.
When I hear someone say “I’m so OCD,” it hurts and I’m thinking about how someone else suffering from OCD feels when they hear such a statement…
The Daily Challenges
Each day is filled with countless challenges. The simplest tasks, such as getting out of bed, using the bathroom, brushing my teeth, or getting dressed, become arduous battles. Every movement is plagued by the demands of OCD, draining my energy and impeding my progress. And that’s just the beginning—the workday ahead becomes a rollercoaster ride of emotions and obstacles.
Work and Productivity
The impact of OCD on my work life can be overwhelming. The constant battle with intrusive thoughts and the need to perform rituals can disrupt concentration, productivity, and overall job performance. It can be challenging to meet deadlines, engage in collaborative tasks, or maintain a consistent work routine. Seeking accommodations and support in the workplace, such as flexible schedules or supportive environments, can help individuals with OCD manage their responsibilities effectively. But who gets that benefit? I know I don’t. It is easily said than done.
The Daily Rollercoaster
Life is challenging on its own, but when you add OCD compulsions to the mix, it becomes an overwhelming ordeal. Each day is a rollercoaster ride of emotions, anxieties, and battles that I have to fight. The impact of OCD reaches far beyond the surface-level understanding of the disorder. It seeps into every aspect of my life and can affect relationships, work, and personal well-being.
Living with OCD means being trapped in a constant whirlwind of emotions. It’s a delicate balance between fear, frustration, and a desperate desire for control. The intrusive thoughts and obsessions bring intense anxiety to me, while the compulsions provide temporary relief that quickly gives way to guilt and self-doubt. This emotional rollercoaster can be exhausting and isolating, making it challenging for me to maintain stable mental and emotional health.
Relationships
Many who want to open up about their struggle with OCD think that their relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners will suffer. I understand rituals and compulsions can be difficult for loved ones to comprehend, leading to frustration, impatience, and even resentment. Moreover, the constant need for reassurance and the impact on shared activities can create significant challenges in maintaining healthy connections. That’s probably why I opened up about my problems just to my girlfriend, my best buddy, and to an online course mentor. But I believe that open and honest communication, along with education and support from family and friends can help us tremendously.
We don’t have to share everything. But we can start somewhere. And if there’s no one to share with, here we are. Building a community (I hope).
The Fear of Germs
One aspect of my OCD is an intense fear of germs, which intertwines with other compulsions I mentioned earlier. I can remember this one since I was a little kid.
Howie Mandel’s public struggle with OCD and his fear of germs serves as a relatable example for many of us.
It has become a habit – when you do something for two decades, it is bound to become ingrained. Many of the compulsions have become habitual, and I perform them automatically, even when they are not at the forefront of my mind.
What Helps
The demands of the disorder consume so much time and energy that self-care activities I could do, such as exercise, relaxation/meditation, and socializing, are pushed aside sometimes. I don’t have time or energy for them. But it all makes me more stressed and anxious.
I realized that when I do get some ME time, it always helps. It always promotes a good mood.
It’s crucial for me to prioritize my well-being and do activities like breath work and meditating daily. Exercise (like boxing which I started in my garage a couple of weeks ago) helps too! Just moving my body in some kind of rhythm promoted by the workout helps to turn off my head and lets me live for a moment.
I hope that with the right approach and coping strategies, it will be possible to manage and reduce the impact of OCD on my daily life, despite the challenges that living with OCD brings.
Some folks swear by therapeutic approaches like cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) that bring them significant relief. I’m not there yet. But I will.
It’s important to remember that resilience and recovery are possible.
Taking care of my physical and emotional well-being slowly becomes a priority in my journey towards liberation. I am adopting self-care practices such as regular exercise, mindfulness meditation, and engaging in activities that bring me joy and relaxation. Managing stress through healthy coping mechanisms, such as journaling, breathing exercises (I recommend starting with the most popular one – Wim Hof Method based on the Tummo technique), and seeking moments of solitude has been crucial in finding balance and resilience.
I know that breaking free from OCD is not a linear journey. I experience setbacks, moments of doubt, and occasional relapses. However, I have learned to embrace the progress I have made and celebrate even the smallest victories. It is essential to remind myself that perfection is not the goal but rather the pursuit of a fulfilling and meaningful life despite the presence of OCD.
Breaking free from the clutches of OCD is a challenging and ongoing process. It requires me to accept my condition, educate myself, challenge intrusive thoughts, confront my compulsions, practice self-care, and embrace imperfection. With each step forward, I am reclaiming my life from the grips of OCD.
I also believe that building a support network would be a big deal.
For me, living with OCD is an uphill battle, with each day presenting old and new obstacles to overcome.
Life is not easy as it is. Add a mixture of OCD compulsions, and you have a hell of a day. But what kind of life would it be if I didn’t strive to get better step by step?
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I consider this blog a calling. I never realized that before. But now I know what my calling is, and I want to continue to improve and help us better manage our OCD. I know how limiting OCD is. I’ve lived with it for more than 24 years. It’s time to learn as much as we can about this disorder to not only cope with it, but to actually get better.
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