In this post, I want to talk about my biggest realization that I was able to make after more than 24 years of dealing with my OCD.
It took me a long time to start coping with obsessions and compulsions. I’m on the right path and getting better for the first time in my life. The change is visible in significant steps that are easily recognizable to me. It’s no easy task, but it’s like lifting weights. I just need to make sure that the brain muscles don’t atrophy.
I’ve been struggling with OCD for as long as I can remember. I have already talked about it in other posts, so I will skip this part.
But what I’m about to share is a significant achievement, and I’m very happy about it.
I hope I can provide you with a possible way of coping with your OCD.
I hope this will set you on the right path if you’re struggling.
As you can imagine, I have been trying to find a way out of my obsessive mind for a very long time. Intrusive thoughts are no fun, and compulsions are so exhausting. The things you “have” to do before you leave your house and all the things you “have” to do throughout the day to prevent something bad from happening are overwhelmingly many.
We have to keep finding a way to “survive” and it’s overwhelming.
I tried to ask my mind to focus on where the intrusive thoughts come from. Why are they there, and why do they emerge? It took a while to dig deep and look for the real cause of the obsessions and why they are present. But it was worth it!
What I realized was that the thoughts emerge from fear. Yes, we know that we fear something, and that’s the reason we engage in compulsions to temporarily relieve ourselves from the obsessions. But what really causes the obsessive thought in the first place?
So, I dug deep. I thought about my past, my childhood experiences with my abusive father, and the situation where my mother almost died in a car accident. I relived those moments, and it was not a happy place.
But I realized where my fear comes from. I realized that my obsessions with scary thoughts about my loved ones, where I fear for their lives, for example, when they are driving somewhere and I’m so scared and praying for them, it’s because I fear the possible outcome that happened to me with my mother when she was involved in the accident. I fear the possible outcome when confronted with authority or an angry person, and that’s because I know the terror it can be when you’re the weaker side of the confrontation. I fear that someone could hurt me or my family. I have a lot of compulsions. My OCD was never treated before. I am one scared child in an adult body.
I have fear, and thus I pray, do compulsions, and try to do anything that could help me and my family survive.
See? It’s the fear that makes me obey the OCD. I am scared of something that could happen, and that’s why I engage in compulsions, hoping that it could change the course of the outcome. This is what took me so long to realize! I fear something, and that creates intrusive thoughts, and the thoughts make me engage in compulsions that give me temporary relief, and then the cycle repeats itself. I’ve been in this cycle for a quarter of a century.
The realization that fear is behind all this is significant because once I realized it, I started observing the fear whenever any intrusive thought or compulsion occurred. I looked deep inside and asked myself why the fear is there, where it started, if it’s something that I felt before, and if so, in which situations. Then I realized that I am thinking about it. I became an observer.
Once you get to know the fear, you realize that it’s not something you have to be scared of. It’s called fear, but you change it into a feeling that loses its name. You realize that the fear did not form from a current situation, but it formed somewhere in the past because you probably experienced something that triggered your obsessive-compulsive disorder. Maybe you had it dormant within you, and the “right” amount of disturbance woke it up.
You realize that, and the fear begins to lose its voice. The screaming that used to happen whenever it wanted to, starts to not hurt so much anymore. It tries to scare you, but every time it becomes less scary, thanks to you realizing that you need to start observing it. You are creating a new habit – the observation of fear – getting to know it, and breaking it into pieces. It doesn’t have as much power over you once it’s in pieces. So the fear is left further and further behind, and in some cases, you almost won’t hear it or don’t hear it at all.
But there’s one catch to it. You have to stay vigilant. Because once you stop training the muscles responsible for this coping mechanism, they atrophy. You have to live consciously from now on. There’s no turning back if you want to tame your OCD. OCD is the fear, there’s nothing else. You have to cope with the fear, and in doing so, you will tame the OCD.
I strongly recommend that you start observing the fear. You have to look it in the eye to realize that it’s not that present. It’s something you need to get to know. Then you won’t be afraid of it.
It’s not a simple task, but it’s one that will help. I promise. Once you get to know the fear and realize it’s not something you need to be afraid of, you’ll get better. Just stay conscious about it.
It will probably take you a while to stay conscious throughout this process, but it’s something that will change your state of OCD.
It’s an essential step that can bring about a change in your state of OCD. Recognizing that Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is rooted in fear can be a significant breakthrough in managing and overcoming the disorder.
Understanding that obsessions and compulsions are driven by fear allows you to detach yourself from these thoughts and behaviors. You come to realize that they don’t define who you truly are but are rather a product of anxiety and fear.
This realization empowers you to challenge your OCD and develop effective coping strategies. By addressing the underlying fear and anxiety, you can gradually reduce your reliance on compulsions and work towards managing your OCD symptoms.
Realizing that OCD is just fear does not diminish the challenges we face in dealing with the disorder. Not at all. Overcoming OCD takes time, effort, and persistence. Every realization and step forward is significant in your journey towards feeling better.
If you’re experiencing struggles with staying conscious and observing your fears, I would like to hear about them. I understand that it’s not an easy task, but it’s definitely worth the effort.
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