I’m going to go ahead and write this blog a little bit differently this time. I didn’t want to get too personal here, but I guess sometimes things happen and things change. And I believe it’s important to be authentic.
I’m not quite myself lately, but I am moving forward. I am deep within the realms of OCD, yet I try to recognize every compulsion I have and work to break free from its grip. Sometimes I’m successful, and other times I am not. But that’s okay. I’m training my brain muscles, so I can improve with practice.
Lately, with some health issues, the fear has returned. The fear of losing someone close, or “losing” myself. I didn’t even realize where it came from. It just happened to be there again.
I’ve realized that the best step in these kinds of situations, when you find yourself back in the grip of OCD, is to simply put one foot in front of the other and start moving in the direction you want to go. Take small steps forward.
The main thing is to recognize that the compulsions are there, acknowledge that I am afraid again, and remind myself that I want to get better.
I’ve started switching lights on and off again, walking through doors repeatedly, breathing differently fueled by compulsions, saying prayers, and touching everything three times in a row. I could continue, but you get the idea. And what’s up with the intrusive thoughts, right?
It’s that time of the year when we can re-evaluate our lives and start fresh. It’s good to have goals. One of my goals is to tame my OCD. I know that the most helpful thing will be staying present, recognizing the presence of compulsions, reflecting on past experiences of having them and the situations they occurred in, and trying to identify their origins. I believe this can help me understand the fear behind them.
Recognizing what the fear is will help me cope with the intrusive thoughts and compulsions. Hopefully, I can firmly grasp this concept again. I know I have been there before, feeling better, trusting my instincts, knowing that the fear is the driving force behind my OCD. It was empowering to confront the fear and realize there was nothing to be scared of. At least I know where to start.
If you’re struggling, feel free to get in touch. It’s always good to know there is someone you can talk to.